What am I ? Chopped liver?

OK so the usual morning hilarity and capers happened this morning with the kids getting ready for school. Emma doing what she can to please and Alex doing his utmost to be a pain in the *eeee-haw*. When I'm going to work late like this morning I see it all unfold in front of me like a sitcom. I have to resist the urge to pull up a chair, munch on popcorn and standby with finger hovering over the canned laughter button (most appropriately used in response to danielle's threats of dismemberment if Alex doesn't take his undies of his head stop waving his naked butt around in the stairwell). The problem with Team Reid and their wacky adventures in the morning is that it takes its toll on Danielle's brain. It is not socially acceptable to take it out on the kids and so the closest target is me. Case in point one - does anyone else buy petrol by leaving the kids in the car, husband pumping the petrol and walk off with the keys? Any guesses what happens when a child winds down a window to ask Dad a question? Any further guess what it is like to have everyone in a petrol station stare at you whilst you run (or shamble, stumble, lurch with bad back) away from a car with two wide eyed kids in it with an alarm blaring? Of course I was getting the keys from Dan but the other customers didn't know that and thought I was trying to make a run for it after getting caught scout-leader style and gave me the worst Mr bubbles stare you've ever seen! This actually happened a couple of weeks ago. What brought it to mind this morning is the fact that Dan armed the house alarm before taking Team Reid to school. Believe me there nothing more bracing than walking downstairs naked.... looking for some undies from the wash basket only to set off the alarm (our alarm is designed to disorientate any would be bad guy). Must write to the manufacturer and compliment them on their enginerring prowess - it worked a treat. *takes deep breath* OK - I get downstairs - the alarm goes off, I shamble, stumble, lurch with bad back toward the keypad, the freaked out cat starts leaping at me like I'm a shower door(SEE DAN'S BLOG), Zeuss is sitting under a table shaking, every time I pass something hard my foot seems drawn to it so I stub my toe in the hall wall, then the dining room table, and to even things up Angel throws herself at me to tip my balance just enough to help me stub the opposite toe on my last part of my journey to the keypad. With the alarm safely turned off, *neighbours can stop worrying now - yeah right!* I sit down to perform triage on my injuries. Nothing broken, heart pounding, back pounding, head pounding......someone's gonna getta pounding! I check the cats.... Angel is giving me a look like , "can we do it again?" and as i think about wringing her furry little neck Zeuss whacks her in the back of the head! I'm with Zeuss on that one!

WESTERN SYDNEY? - a rant.

You know why there is so much crime in western Sydney? Well I'll give you a little hint: On the left of the blue line is the area reported as western Sydney, as in, "..a man was stabbed in Sydney's west today......". You know if someone gets stabbed in Blacktown people ask me "isn't that near you - you're out west aren't you? I mean thats like saying Sutherland is near Ryde. Last year I even heard a radio report that an attack in Kurnell had happened in Sydney's south west. Love to see what that journo thought was east? Why can't the reporters just say the suburb??!! Then we all know exactly what they are talking about. Parramatta is the geographical centre of Sydney and I reckon they should refer to part of Sydney in terms of where it lies in relation to parramatta. Sydney's east is everything east of Parra. Too bloody easy!